All of humanity beware!!
Seriously … In the world today there are several phenomenon that defy both logic and explanation. Today I expose the hideous truth behind one of the most evil and insidious THINGS on the face of the planet.Tofu.
So, can anyone even profess to knowing where it comes from and is made of? Well, let the truth be known.
Tofu is, for those unaware, the stuff in various asian dishes that they TELL you is made from bean kurd. It has the consistency and taste of kitchen sponge, a claim that I did prove by once eating tofu and then chewing on a kitchen sponge; there’s no need to tell you which experience was more enjoyable.
I can further prove my theory in the following tale, which has been un-necessarily exaggerated because otherwise it’s not funny.
Had met up with a friend for lunch in the city. We were having laksa. We purchased our tasty meals and proceeded to sit in the park, a two minute amble from the noodle shop.
I sat down and prepared to slurp and gulp my way through what is essentially curry soup. Imagine my horror when I opened it up to find these massive, evil, pulsating blobs that had ABSORBED much of the laksa-y goodness!! Only quick thinking and convenient plasmatic-death-dispensing-machine (always keep one handy) stood between the tofu and total world domination as it’s evil absorbing powers were just beginning to manifest (today the laksa, tomorrow the WORLD!!)
So, how is it made? Bean kurd my ass!! Tofu is made in three simple steps. Get five third world children, sacrifice them and BOOM: tofu. Well, have you EVER seen any third world children hanging around noodle shops? Irrefutable evidence if EVER I saw it.
So, in summary, tofu is the tool of satan. It will, unless we are very careful, one day take over the world. If you should see tofu, exterminate with extreme prejudice, you’re doing the whole of humanity a service.
Keep watching the skies,
R@boy … and don’t even get me STARTED on soy milk!!
Posted on September 12th, 2006 | By: Adam | Filed under The R@ says
